Now remember, in a healthy relationship we expect some differences, and we expect reasonable compromise

The List Continues

If you have significant differences on the first three items – finances, arguing to agreeable solutions, and sexual expectations – you might do well to consider staying friends rather than getting married. The rest of the items on the list, while also very important, are a little more negotiable. I do suggest you honestly talk over differences on any of these items prior to getting married. Then you must really be honest with yourself and determine whether or not you’ll truly be happy if the two of you differ a great deal.

Time Together – Time Apart

In my clinical experience, the question of how much time a couple should spend together and how much time, as individuals, should be spent apart can be a challenging issue in a marriage. We all differ on this dimension. If you tend to be something of a free spirit who values his or her time alone or with friends, be very careful of marrying someone who wants to be with you every minute. You are likely to feel smothered, your partner to feel abandoned. This is not a good state of affairs. Talk this one over carefully before you commit to each other, and, as with any verbal agreement, you may want to test it. Don’t hurt each other by pretending to be something you’re not.

Common Interests

After 35 years of doing marital therapy and pre-marital counseling, I’m still surprised at the number of couples I see who seem to have few, if any, common interests.

Yes, they es together, but sugar daddy baltimore that’s about it. You need things you enjoy doing together. The children won’t be there forever.

Passion and excitement in a marriage are at least partially maintained by enjoying activities with your partner. At the very least, you have to have a genuine interest – and show that interest – in your partner’s interests, even if you don’t participate. You need something to talk about besides work and children.

Neat vs. Messy

I know, this one sounds trivial, and it can be. On the other hand, if you’re very neat, consider being married to someone who is, shall we say, a bit messy and lackadaisical in housekeeping. Once again, if you can’t accept clothes tossed over the furniture…

Spiritual Values

Couples prove every day that you don’t necessarily have to be the same religion or have the exact same spiritual beliefs to be happily married. What you do have to have is an honest respect for your partner’s spiritual and religious beliefs. In practice this respect might translate into listening to him or her talk about the church service and never, ever making him or her feel guilty that going to church interferes with something you want to do. While it e spiritual values, the key point here is to mutually respect and support each other’s spiritual life.

Activity, Ambition, and Goals

This is a rather broad category of questions. Let’s start with activity level. Opposites do attract, no question about it. If I’m a bit hyper and you’re a bit laid-back, your calmness will appeal to me, while my energy may appeal to you. However, if these differences in activity level are too great, what attracts will begin to repel. Consider, for example, if working out, staying fit, and watching your diet are really part of your life, how happy are you going to be with someone who refuses to go to the gym and seems totally unconcerned about his or her physical appearance? Likewise, if you enjoy travelling, going out with friends, and partying, will you be happy with someone who wants to spend every evening at home? He or she may begin to go out a little more than before, you may stay at home a bit more than you like – and, need I add, you should be a good sport about it. Then you can live with someone who is more or less active than you are.